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Deep cleaning- Humor

May 12 2008 | Views 1669 | Comments (51)

This blog is only for people who have been to a dentist and suffered pain at their ski... Expand

This blog is only for people who have been to a dentist and suffered pain at their skillful hands. It was with lot of trepidation on this beautiful spring morning I decided to finally visit the dentist. I have all my teeth (not mentioning the count as not sure what is the right number) and no cavity thank you very much. So when I visited the dentist almost a year ago and the dental hygienist recommended deep cleaning. I was not sure what it was and was very clear I wanted no part in this deadly endeavor.

The brave man that I was still went ahead and took the appointment. The earliest date available was a few months later and I nodded my head in full agreement. It was just perfect. Then like the man I was forgot all about it. I have a good memory or so I claim. But as the D date drew closer visiting the dentist was not anywhere on my plans. The dentist in these country are a very persistent lot, they call your home a day ahead and remind you of the appointment.

The appointment was at 3 in the afternoon and I was busy. There was no way I could drop everything and run to some stupid appointment with the dentist. Fortune favors the brave and as luck would have it, I would schedule an appointment and would be busier than beaver on the given day. Till it could be cancelled no more J

The day before the appointment my wife reminded me how the process was going to be. They would numb my jaws she said with an injection before the cleaning started. It was vivid and detailed description which I took bravely on my cringing shoulders.

I reached the dentist’s office before time and surprise no waiting. Normally you wait for at least 30 minutes before you are called in, that is after coming on designated time. Hip! Hip! Hooray! for me. A young lady came out called “Rajiv Abraham”. I jumped to my feet and followed her timidly. The young lady and her beauty did not distract me from my chosen goal. The song from the war movie ‘Haqeeqat (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0154565/’ played in the background. You know the song I hope ‘Ab Tumhare Hawale Watan Sathiyon’ (I am done and it is now up to you my friends).

I was taken to a small room where stuff was going to be done on me. I waited and even smiled at the young lady. She took my blood pressure and with in minutes the dentist was there beside me. He looked at the chart and then at me. Instead of doing his thing the old man had to speak and he did “ouch”.

I looked at him.

“You are going to be one sore guy” he said.

Sometimes people give you information you don’t need. I looked at him quizzically. But he is the expert.

“How much time will it take?” I asked tepidly.

“I don’t know. I just numb your jaws” he said with utmost honestly.

I looked at the sensitive old codger. Nice guy. If you need a shoulder to cry on here is the guy you need to get in touch with.

I lay down on the chair as it went back at an obtuse angle with my feet being the Y axis. Very comfortable, I looked up to see the sensitive dentist peer down at me with his face covered in mask.

“Oops” he said. He went back and got some papers. He had forgotten to take my waivers. He walked me through telling me how he and the practice are not responsible for anything happening to me. They could knock my teeth off, I could have swellings, bleedings and I thought he even said diarrhea. Not sure why diarrhea. Maybe there is a connection between my teeth and you know what, who knows how this things work anyway. I meekly signed my life off with the theme song for this event now blaring as if from the mikes at the Ganesh mandals.

The next 30 minutes was too excruciating for me to even think, forget writing about it. Enough to say it seemed to last for a life time. He poked; he prodded with blunt instruments trying to desensitize my mouth. You know if you torture a guy long I have heard after awhile it doesn’t matter. I was aghast at my own capability to with stand pain. Did I mention that I was a brave guy?

My mouth did get desensitized and I felt as if someone had put two sticks to hold the jaws apart. I used my hands and felt as if my lips and the muscles around it have swollen. Did I really revert back to where we have all come from? The good old dentist assured me it was just a feeling and my face is ok. He even showed me the mirror. Well he was right it just had the usual swelling nothing abnormal about that.

Then it was the hygienist and his cleaning exercise. He said his name was Mohsin. Good Lord, I thought hope he does not know I support Rajasthan Royals to his Kolkata night riders. I hope he does not behave like those commercials in the TV want us to with fans from other teams. He was good at his job. He chiseled, poked, dug, dragged and even stabbed. Good thing I was desensitized so no pain at least for now. In between all these he would ask me to open my mouth wide open. It was wide as wide it could be with him all over it. If he required a mouth wider than mine he would have to clean the teeth of an alligator, I thought. After an hour he showed me the mirror. I don’t know why he has to do that. It was like adding insult to the injury. I knew he was proud of his handiwork. I nodded and acquiesced.

Now I had to rush back to office and attend a bunch of meeting with go live date around the corner. I think there is a couple of presentations in there somewhere were I have to speak with a swollen mouth and a thick accent. I think there has to be something karmic in all this.

This is a humble request for sympathy and empathy. So please no laughter otherwise the curse of deep cleaning might be on you….